Three Transitional Looks, One Top

As the humidity and warm summer temps finally start to drop, we usually start packing away our summer wardrobe. But not so fast with those off-the-shoulder tops I saw everywhere this summer! I am never one to limit a piece of clothing to one season—what a waste! I styled three looks to save your OTS (off-the-shoulder, obviously) top from getting packed away with the swimsuits and bright colors. 

elegant

Whether you're heading to rooftop cocktails in the city with your girlfriends, a dinner date with your beau, or even a dressy Sunday brunch with the fam, your OTS top will provide just the right amount of sexy while the trousers keep it classy. (And yes, you can wear white after Labor Day—especially this eggshell shade!) Elegant accessories like a beaded clutch, a long strand of pearls, double pearl earrings, and nude heels pull the matured look together—voila! 

• styling with a little grace: The key to this polished look is keeping both the top and trousers in the neutral color family. Steer clear of brights and bold patterns here, especially when transitioning to fall.

back-to-school cool

Want to make an impression this school year without trying too hard? An OTS top paired with fitted boyfriend jeans will do just the trick for class. Think: an update on the simple jeans and tee combo. Classic shades and bold earrings add interest and texture to the ensemble without distracting. And the perfect fall shoe? Blue suede shoes (er, loafers). You can dress them up or down, the color (navy) goes with everything, they're not as summery as sandals or as wintery as boots, and more versatile than flats. Win, win, win, win!

• styling with a little grace: The key to the finding the perfect pair of boyfriend jeans is to follow the Goldilocks principle: not too tight but not too loose, not too many rips but not too smooth. . . justttt right.

savoring summer

Floral shorts—for fall?! Hear me out: you know those September days that still feel like August (um, today)? Paired with an OTS top, floral shorts help you make the most of your last summer days. And remember that scene from The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep sneers, "Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking." Well, Miranda Priestly would be proud of us now for breaking the seasonal spring trend. Florals for fall. It's happening. 

• styling with a little grace: While we're savoring summer, let's talk sandals. My sandal of choice to carryover into the warm fall days? These bone-colored Jacks. So many varieties, so many ways to wear them. They really go with everything!

 

shop similar styles... 

 

With a little grace,

          Kelsey

** All Photos by Ashley Bernet — Thank you so much, Ashley! **

Wedding Planning with Grace

When my now-husband, Anthony, was initially courting me, he made fun of me for my seeming-obsession with weddings. When he saw me run down the street to see a bride outside the church, he laughed and said, "I'm sure you have your whole wedding planned out in boxes under your bed." Well, this was 2011, so magazine cut-outs stored in boxes was a little outdated. But, this was 2011, so having a digital equivalent to his notion was completely accurate. Psh, boxes—where had he been, living under a rock? It’s called Pinterest—keep up, Anthony. So in that sense, boy was he right—cue my (multiple?) wedding Pinterest boards. Simply put, I love weddings, and I loved wedding planning.
 

Looking at all the sweet, smiling brides in wedding photos on Pinterest, you might forget that becoming a bridezilla is a reality for many brides. As soon as the planning process began, I was acutely aware of this potential trap, and did my best to avoid it. That said, I was not perfect. As much as I genuinely enjoyed wedding planning, I had a few unmet expectations and frustrations that inevitably caused some less-than-stellar moments. That’s why I loved when one of my readers asked me to share tips on how to plan a wedding with grace (of course I loved the connection to my journal’s title, too). How to be joyful throughout the planning of such a momentous occasion while still being realistic and productive? Well, read on.

Remember, a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime

Okay I know, I know, this is what my “Marriage Monday” posts are for. But this is also the most important piece of advice to remember as you wedding plan. Anthony and I were overwhelmed with joy and excitement after getting engaged—it was the happiest I have felt second only to our wedding day. Just a day after getting engaged, we headed over to the church to pick a date for the next summer. Everything starts happening so fast! But my parents made a point to give this advice to Anthony and me before we all got carried away: to always keep in mind that a wedding is a day, and a marriage is a lifetime. And what a poignant and beautiful reminder that was. I will forever have the happiest memories of July 3, 2015; truly the best day ever. But now, the wedding cake is gone (yes, even the top tier) and the dust from moving in together has settled. And what are we left with? A beautiful, joyful, sacramental marriage. This doesn’t just happen, this is the result of intentional marriage preparation with our spiritual director, (not just the two hour class required of couples married in the Catholic church), reading books together about marriage and relationships, praying together, discussing the results of our personality tests, and a weekend retreat for engaged couples, among others. For couples without the option to use a priest or minister, premarital counseling with a professional therapist (like me in a few years!) is absolutely a worthwhile cost (and some insurances even cover it). Keeping this vital piece of advice in mind will help you to keep things in perspective when you realize the ink color on your invitations isn’t quite right (tragic).

Be mindful of the guest list

When a reader asked me to post about wedding planning with grace, the first thing I thought of was the guest list. Why? Because this was the part that, admittedly, I was not so graceful all the time. While I consciously did my best not to become a bridezilla, the guest list certainly tempted me. Between sticking to a budget, the venue’s physical capacity, and managing different opinions, the guest list was the trickiest part for us. For others, the guest list can bring out harbored family tensions or bring to light broken family relationships. One bride I talked to said 'the kids versus no kids' dilemma was at the forefront of her and her parents’ discussions. Which of your coworkers do you invite? What about your boss? Who gets a plus-one? Whatever the issue may be, the key to maintaining grace is to stay level-headed throughout all of the guest list conversations.

First, have both sets of parents, you, and your fiancé submit their guest lists (be very specific, i.e. don’t say “The Smith Family,” but specify which kids, if any). Count the total distinct guests, and decide if this number is okay or too big (either for budget reasons or the venue’s capacity). If it is too big, time to have a discussion about who doesn’t make the cut. As with all wedding planning dilemmas, don’t raise your voice, roll your eyes, or walk away from the conversation. Actively listen (not just hear) your fiancé, father, mother-in-law, best friend—whoever—and calmly tell them why you agree or disagree. Keep in mind, if you and your fiancé are not paying for all of the wedding, be very respectful of the opinions of those who are paying or contributing financially. The guest list total affects them significantly. 

 

Take time-outs with your fiancé

At the beginning of our engagement, Anthony and I talked about taking “time-outs” occasionally. We quickly realized the temptation for wedding planning to become stressful, and we didn’t want to fall into that trap. We promised that whenever we started to feel stressed or frustrated, or even when we were just excited, we would step away from what we were doing and take time to pray and take in that moment. Instead of getting caught up in the details, we would memorialize the moment by stating exactly where we were in the wedding planning process (i.e. “We are addressing our save the dates, for our WEDDING!”), as if looking at the moment from the outside. When we removed ourselves from the task, we were able to recognize the gravity of this step (i.e. instead of just stamping envelopes mindlessly, verbalizing the moment rejuvenated us with purpose and excitement that this getting married thing was actually happening). We would also verbalize that we were going to be each other’s husband and wife in just __ months, weeks, days, or hours. We would relish in that wonderful truth, and reflect on how God had blessed us by bringing us each other, and soon, by uniting us in marriage. We prayed in thanksgiving for this fact, and asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit as we continued wedding planning. Even though we were long-distance for some of our engagement, we would call each other to do this when one of us needed it. In essence, each time we took a time-out, we were harboring the excitement that we felt on the day we got engaged: the absolute joy and astonishment that we were actually going to soon be husband and wife.

 

Keep a journal to give to your fiancé

I actually had started writing a journal, and shortly thereafter my aunt sent me a notebook with a letter explaining how she had done this for my uncle. “Keep a journal throughout your engagement to give to Anthony the night before your wedding,” she wrote. Even though I was already doing this, I loved the idea even more because someone whose marriage I so admire had begun this way. I journaled about our wedding planning and marriage preparation milestones, such as picking out my wedding dress and deciding on our Nuptial Mass readings. There were no rules or guidelines; I simply wrote what I wanted Anthony to know or remember from that moment. I include this in the wedding planning tips because this journal furthered my excitement and perspective throughout the process. The journal, which sat next to my bed, reminded me what this chapter of life all about, even when I wasn’t writing. Just looking at that gold, narrow notebook, I would think about Anthony and reflect on how blessed I was to be marrying such a holy, kind, and gentle man.

The week before. . . Drop it!

Funny backstory: my sisters and I were never too impressed with wedding cake the way some people LOVE wedding cake (I feel like I'm breaking some wedding-lovers' code by admitting that). So, being the bakers we are, we always said that we would make our the wedding cake at our weddings. Well, when I got engaged, my dad got wind of this idea, and did not support it. Not because it wouldn't save a little money, but because he realized that adding the unnecessary pressure of making my own wedding cake the week of my wedding might not be the best stress-reliever. (Spoiler alert: my uber talented friend and consummate chef, Maureen Abood, offered to make the cake as an incredibly generous gift! It was exactly what my homemade-wedding-cake-dreams were made of.)

Well, my dad was actually on to something. The week of your wedding is chaos. But it will be the best kind of chaos if you navigate it right. As I described to a recent bride, planning a wedding felt like studying for a test in college—it seemed like there was always something more to do. Despite your inner Type A, somehow the wedding is eight days away, and you still have to tie the bows on the menus, fold the programs, arrange the escort cards. . .  While all of that seems crucial to your wedding day vision (ahem, Pinterest!), these are also the details that only you will notice if they don't get done. "Whatever you don't have done a week before the wedding doesn't need to be done. Enjoy the time with family and get enough sleep," my dad wisely cautioned. (Who knew dads knew so much about wedding planning?) If there is one thing that will ruin your efforts to be a graceful bride-to-be faster than you can say "bridezilla," it's a lack of sleep. My dad knew this, and had me on a curfew the whole week (thanks, Dad). Additionally, despite my inner control freak, I asked friends, family, neighbors, and my awesome wedding planner/coordinator to pitch in with the remaining tasks. While I still tied some bows and assembled guest bags that week (sorry, Dad), I didn't wince when some of the guest bags didn't get delivered in time. I found out later that I forgot to put out the framed photos of my parents' and grandparents' wedding day, but guess what? The day was still perfect. So pass-off or tear up your final to-do list, enjoy your company, and get some beauty rest, darling.

Dad knows best!

With a little grace,

                    Kelsey

Have some tips on wedding planning with grace that I forgot? Share them below in the comments!

* Photos by Cory Weber *

The Three S's of Every Outfit

While dressing for dinner, a night on the town, or an event such as a concert or a wedding, I try to balance the three S’s: sophisticated, self-assured, and sexy. Sexy?! Sexy is not—or at least doesn’t have to be—equivalent with revealing. While I prefer to categorize my style as classic and classy, the three S’s are not actually at odds with these adjectives, but rather can further describe and clarify the mystery of “classy style” for budding fashionistas. Bear with me as I employ the images by Haley Sieben Photography to break it down. . . 

 

Sophisticated

What comes to mind when we hear "sophisticated"? Classy, timeless, polished. Maybe images of Audrey Hepburn, Jackie O, or Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada begin to dance through our heads. As I've written before, what these women and that classy dame of a grandma of yours all have in common is a sense of style that transcends the ages, yet does not look outdated. Sophisticated style embodies a sense of worldliness without saying a word, but rather, by wearing it.

• Styling with a little grace: A long, slimming maxi dress brings the sense of class and modesty that begets sophistication. The detail of the polished belt ups the sophistication factor even more, adding a touch of glam.

Sexy

I had multiple second thoughts (so... third and fourth thoughts?) about including this word. It's mere utterance has the ability to turn one red with embarrassment and discredit what they thought was an otherwise wholesome journal (or it gives "street cred," as the kids say, to what was thought to be an otherwise old-fashioned journal). What often comes to mind when someone says "sexy" are scantily clad folk with tan, glistening skin. But I maintain that dressing sexy doesn't require you to strip down to your skivvies (in fact, please don't). A dress that is well-fitted but not tight, pants that are tailored but not too snug, a button down shirt that bares just the right amount of the décolletage, an off-the-shoulder top baring the shoulders and collarbone, or a low (V-cut) back all are sexy in their own regard. "Sexy"—at least by my definition—does not mean provocative; it means alluring and attractive with a sense of mystery. And mystery requires, as my parents always reminded me, that something be left to the imagination.

• Styling with a little grace: The V-neck and V-back of this dress reveal the right amount of skin in the right places, and a silhouette that grazes my curves but is not tight flatters my figure without showing too much.

 

Self-assured

This adjective rounds out the trio quite nicely. While some may think "sexy" is synonymous with revealing clothing, along comes "self-assured" to prove otherwise. One must be self-assured enough to know that they do not need to dress in low necklines and high hemlines to earn attention for their looks or portray their confidence. In fact, a woman must be confident enough in herself to know that she does not need to bare skin to feel self-assured, or worthy of attention, love, or confidence. She already feels assured in her worth, and her classy style of dress (coupled with her luminous smile and good posture!) portrays this to both men and women.

• Styling with a little grace: Taken together, the length of my maxi dress and the subtlety of skin shown around the neck and back create a balanced, self-assured look. The outfit, my smile, and the pop of lipstick express my confidence in my character, such that I do not need a high hemline or snug dress to attract attention.

Taking these three words together, you can achieve an outfit that is not too stuffy, frumpy, or sultry. When considered equally, this trio of words informs a style that is just the right amount of poised panache that is required of truly classic and classy style. 

With a little grace, 

              Kelsey

Thank you again to my beautiful cousin, Haley Sieben, for these stunning photos! Check out her page for more.

S'more brownies, please!

As the summer winds down, I love reminiscing about all the memories shared with family and friends at my parents' cottage in Harbor Springs, Michigan. Polar plunges into Lake Michigan, Saturday mornings at the farmer's market, backyard volleyball with the cousins, and making s'mores around the campfire. . . well, except that we don't have a campfire. My sister Tess has lamented missing out on this summer staple for years, but unfortunately there is no solution. Unless we want to dig right into the middle of a backyard volleyball game, there is just no place to put a fire pit. 

But just because we don't have a fire pit, doesn't mean we have to miss out on the quintessential summer treat—s'mores. Most people don't have fire pits or even fireplaces, but that doesn't mean s'mores have to be a distant childhood memory. So how, one might ask, do I propose we make  this summer treat?! My fellow Chicagoans might suggest the stovetop, but nay, I have s'more solutions that allow you to stop worrying about burning that marshmallow altogether.

Enter s'more brownies: the s'more alternative that is less of a hassle, less of a mess, less charred marshmallows, and more satisfying. Simply whip up a boxed brownie mix (c'mon does anyone really have a from-scratch recipe that's better than Ghirardelli's or Betty Crocker's boxed version?), pour atop a graham cracker crust (à la pies and cheesecakes), and after baking, top with marshmallows. Piece of. . . s'more?

While I know these treats can't quite fill the fire pit in my sister's heart, my cousins and siblings devoured them despite the availability of the famous Tom's Mom's cookies and after a Mama T feast. (There's no better compliment to a baker like an empty platter, right?) Regardless of your fire pit status, this twist on a summer classic is sure to elicit campfire nostalgia from those you share it with, while creating modern memories—and full bellies—of its own.

S'more Brownies

Graham Cracker Crust: (adapted from Joanna Gaines' graham cracker crust recipe)
1 ½ cups crushed graham crackers
6 Tbsp butter (softened)
⅓ cup sugar

1 Boxed Brownie Mix

1 Bag of Mini Marshmallows

1. Combine crushed graham cracker, softened butter, and sugar. Mix well and press into greased 9 x 9 or 8 x 8 baking dish (dependent on what your boxed brownie mix recommends). Bake for 8 minutes at 350°

2. Make brownies according to boxed mix instructions while crust is baking. Pour brownie mixture over baked graham cracker crust. Bake brownies according to box instructions, erring on the side of slightly uncooked.

3. Once brownies have almost baked, cover them completely with a layer of mini marshmallows. Broil or bake for about 5 minutes, or until marshmallows are golden brown.

 

Big Sister Baking Tip: Always bake with room temperature ingredients. Run eggs under warm water if not yet room temperature.

 

With a little grace,

                 Kelsey

Have you tried one of the recipes from With A Little Grace? Post a picture of your treat and hashtag #bakingwithalittlegrace so we all can see how it turned out!

Beat the Heat: Packing for a Hot Destination

August is here, which means one thing no matter where you are: it's likely to be hot! Although some students are already back-to-school shopping (what!), the summer temperatures and humidity are far from over. If you're headed on a summer vacation abroad, getting in one last weekend trip to the lake, or attending a wedding in the thick of wedding season, your wardrobe can help you manage the weather without sacrificing style—and without overpacking! 

Last summer, my newlywed husband, Anthony, and I traveled to Rome and the Amalfi Coast of Italy for our highly anticipated honeymoon. Anthony, being the romantic gentleman that he is, planned the entire honeymoon on his own, in order to surprise me. (I highly recommend this for engaged couples!) He decided, however, to let me know the location—and only that—of our romantic getaway before the big trip so that I could pack appropriately. And good thing he did—the temperatures were in the 90s the entire trip, and as we were leaving, we were told that we were "lucky to be missing the upcoming heat wave"—scusami?

Regardless if you are going on an exotic vacation in the tropics or if you are taking a weekend road trip to where the temps are equally tropical (ahem, right here in Chicago!), what clothes you pack are key to beat the heat. Take a peek into my suitcase to see what I packed for a couple weeks under the Italian sun.

brights

What better to match the scorching weather than equally hot, bright colors? There certainly is no better time for brights than warm weather, so pull out all the stops! This top, made to be a swim cover-up, was not the only bright piece I packed. You'll notice other bright ensembles in my Italian wardrobe.

 

swim cover-ups

Perfect for taking your swimsuit from beach to dinner, cover-ups can also double as a shield from the sun when you run out of sunblock on your day-long boat excursion. Not like I am speaking from experience, of course. . .
(Packing a swimsuit goes without saying if you are going to be near a pool, lake, ocean, or even a swimmable pond. Check out this post for one-piece swimsuit ideas.)

 

linen

There is a reason linen is called the "summer fabric" and is sold all over Italy's Amalfi Coast. It looks light and feels lightweight, perfect for hot and humid days. I actually bought this dress in Positano, so of course I had to wear it as soon as possible.

 

dresses

Okay, okay, you caught me. I will find any excuse to wear a dress, but dresses were made for the heat! You get to bare your arms and legs while keeping it breezy (just watch out for those Marilyn moments!) and there is certainly a dress for every occasion. Fancy dinner? Check. Lounging poolside? Check. Playing tourist in the city or sea? Check, check.

I got the headband I'm wearing as a scarf for 2 Euros outside the Vatican because I needed something to cover my legs before I went in. Being the thrifty gal that I am, I noticed it matched this dress and opted to use it to complete this outfit so the dress didn't stand alone.

Thanks to Colleen + Annie for the adorable dress + sunnies, and Erin for the monogrammed bag! You all know a thing or two about style...

 

accessories

With humidity so thick you could cut it, layering is a death sentence. So shoes, scarfs (that double as headbands or towels), jewelry, sunglasses, and bold lipstick are the best way to make your look a put-together outfit.

These retro-esque sunnies and a "little bit of lipstick" take my outfit from functional (hopping on a vespa with my Italian stallion!) to fashionable.

big sister tip: Try to pack accessories that go with multiple pieces, like this red and pink necklace, so you save space but multiply the amount of unique outfits you pack.

Wedges are a great choice for heels in the heat—no sinking into the mud or grass.

a wide-brimmed hat

Okay, this accessory is important enough that it made its own category. Wide-brimmed hats are key for protecting your face and neck from the sun if you are going to be outside all day, especially when the sun is most intense (typically between 10am and 3pm). Bonus: These hats are also perfect for the days you want to let that beachy hair from all the time in the sea go an extra day. . . or two . . . or three? 

Donning my hat at the beginning and end of the boat ride: pre- and post-swim and sunburn.

What are your tips for packing for a sunny vacation? What would you include that I forgot? 

With a little grace,

                  Kelsey

Marriage Monday: The Freedom of Marriage

As many readers may have noted from my last style post, the Fourth of July is a big holiday in our family—one worth preparing at least four outfits for. So last year, Anthony and I decided to take advantage of our favorite weekend of the year and get married on July 3, 2015. As we approached our first anniversary (that year went fast) I reflected on the joy that marriage has brought to my life. The week before our first anniversary and the Fourth of July, on Sunday, June 26th, the Catholic Mass readings conveniently spoke of freedom, particularly the second reading from Galatians. In his homily that day, Fr. Kevin Feeney reflected on our country's upcoming Independence Day and the meaning of freedom as it relates to the institution colloquially associated with the ol' ball and chain—marriage. With his timely homily and the juxtaposition of our upcoming first anniversary and Independence Day, I pondered the perceived paradox of the freedom of marriage.

Many young adults—spurred on by a culture of relativism, “you do you,” instant gratification, and lack of commitment—intentionally put off marriage in attempt to experience independence. They don’t want to be tied down by marriage, by commitment, by another person. We are trained to equate freedom with selfishness, pursuing our own desires and dreams. Talking with an acquaintance as a junior in college, we stumbled upon the topic of marriage—a heavy topic for people who just had met. Having dated my now husband, Anthony, for two years at that point, and having discerned marriage as our vocation, I expressed my desire and intent to marry Anthony someday soon. A few years my senior, this relative stranger was completely baffled by the idea that I, a millennial in the prime of her social life and sexual potential, would want to “get tied down” with someone. He asked genuinely, “But don’t you want to experience. . . life? Why would you want to get married so soon?” Why would you want to give up your freedom? he seemed to say.

Our independence is not only valued as a nation, but as a society. We pride ourselves in being a democratic nation, but modern society also revels in the idea of sexual freedom, open relationships, or no emotional relationships at all. We find it empowering to be able to date or be in relation with someone but not owe them anything, not to be legally or even emotionally tied to them, to see who cares less if someone walks away, to experience this type of so-called freedom. However, this type of behavior is not actually freeing at all. Contrary to what our culture expresses, this type of behavior confines its participants as slaves of the flesh.

“For you were called for freedom, brothers and sisters. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love." (Galatians 5:13)

True freedom, Fr. Feeney noted, involves giving ourselves away. In the vows I made on my wedding day, I gave myself to my husband and in turn, I received him: "I, Kelsey, take you, Anthony, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Marriage, the act of complete emotional, physical, and spiritual commitment, is actually the ultimate display of freedom. In giving of myself wholly to my husband, I am free to be myself; moreover, I am free to be who Christ intended me to be. In promising to be there "in good times and in bad" my husband receives me as I am, freeing me of the pressure to be perfect, to put on a good face, or play the game of love right. I am free to be my genuine, weird self around him, to burp loudly (sorry, Dad) and to bare my blemished face. I am not tied down by fear of judgment or insecurities, but rather I am free to be vulnerable with Anthony—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am free to live by the Holy Spirit, not bound by the desires of the flesh: “If you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law" (Galations 5:18). If you are guided by the Spirit, St. Paul wrote, you are truly free.

Reciting our vows to one another on our wedding day.

I came to realize the juxtaposition of our wedding date and the Fourth of July are significant not only because we were able to have our family and friends in our favorite place—Harbor Springs—for both our wedding and the old-time American town's quintessential holiday festivities. But the proximity of the two dates also reflects the close relationship of marriage and freedom. As I heard in those readings on that Sunday in June and as Jesus exemplified so perfectly on the cross, to be truly free we have to give ourselves away, to rise we must first die. In living for someone else, as in the sacrament of marriage, therein lies true freedom.

With a little grace,

              Kelsey

Happy first anniversary to the most important person in my life, my husband. Your love has truly given me an unparalleled sense of freedom, self, and encouragement, which has resulted in a new career and the start of this journal. I can't wait to see where our marriage leads us this next year. I love you!

Four Outfits for the Fourth of July

The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. Our family always spends the Fourth in Harbor Springs, Michigan. It is a quaint little harbor town, aka “God’s country,” that swells to ten times its size on its most popular day of the year. With the parade, the art fair, the fireworks over the harbor, and tunes of “America the Beautiful" floating from the church, this picturesque harbor town is straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. (These were many of the reasons we chose to get married here at this time of year, but more on that later.) Many of my nearly fifty first cousins come to visit and enjoy the ideal northern Michigan weather, meaning there is no shortage of fun, from backyard volleyball to ice cream bike rides to Yummies. In my opinion, there is no better place to celebrate America. With such an emphasis on the Fourth, it comes as no surprise that Independence Day outfits are highly anticipated in Harbor Springs.

The Fancy Outfit

While cut-offs and a tee are the classic look for Independence Day, I always love to dress it up a little. Most of my Fourth of July outfits have been dresses, as they are nice and breezy in the July heat. If you find any dress with red and blue—even if you think the style or the fabric is slightly too fancy for the Fourth—dare to wear it! With red nails, a red bow, red-framed sunglasses, or "just little red lipstick" (like I’m wearing here) a red and blue dress is sure to be perfect for a patriotic picnic or parade. Bonus points for a flare that challenges the flares in the night sky.

• Styling with a little grace: The flare at the bottom of this dress takes it from schoolgirl plaid to party. While the stretch cotton allows it to be worn casually, this English Factory number has serious re-wearability thanks to the flare at the bottom. I'm already planning to wear this dress to a wedding this summer, and can't wait to see it twirl on the dance floor.

• Styling with a little grace: These white eyelet shoes complete the red, white, and blue ensemble while their slingback kitten heel maintains the retro vibe of the dress. The real cherry on top, though, is the hand-stiched fireworks on the coin purse that was hand-crafted by the uber-talented, Caili Dalian of Dilly Dalian.

 

The Nautical Outfit

I know many Americans spend their Independence Day lakeside (like we do), on either coast, or at the pool, which is why this nautical number is so fitting for the Fourth. While the sail boats and nautical striped shorts scream patriotism and parades, the outfit is equally comfortable and versatile for a game of backyard whiffleball or volleyball (I can attest to this). Bump, set, spike.

• Styling with a little grace: Going for a victory dip after the volleyball game? The red and white striped shorts work perfectly with a navy and white one-piece swimsuit, like mine in this post, which can double as a top.

• Styling with a little grace: I throw on a linen white blazer to make this fun summer look a bit more polished, or if the weather turns chilly on me. I bought this whole outfit a few summers back at J.Crew Factory (the just-as-cute but won't-break-the-bank version of J.Crew). The holiday weekend is a great time to stock up on your red, white, and blue. But don't you dare buy anything there full price—they are known for big sales, especially around holidays (we're talking 30%-60% off).

 

The Outfit Already in Your Closet

In a time-crunch before the Fourth, but looking at your closet thinking "I have nothing to wear"? Well, I bet you've got some of this. If you have any striped article of clothing—shirt, shorts, dress, or romper—in any shade of blue—baby blue, periwinkle, royal blue, true blue, or navy—then you have an outfit for the Fourth. Most women have blue and white stripes of some sort sitting in their closest, but simply overlook them. Just like this stretchy, packable Saint James striped dress that doubles as a cover-up, all you need is a patriotic or red headpiece, and you're off to the races. 

• Styling with a little grace: Missing red, white, or blue? Grab a patriotic headband, like this turban style from The Quiet Sunshine Shop (my college roommate's Etsy store!) to complete your Independence Day look. My headband was at my doorstep just two days after ordering, and it fits the music festival trend that is all the rage right now, too.

The Night-Time Fireworks Outfit

Whatever you wear during the day, the American flag scarf is sure to match your red, white, and blue (isn’t that the point?). For less than $10 this patriotic scarf can take your outfit from day-time barbecuing to night-time fireworks, without compromising style. I just ordered one for my mom (surprise, Mom!) because she was eyeing mine on Memorial Day.

• Styling with a little grace: Still too hot for white jeans? Substitute white shorts instead. A button-up can be easily rolled up or unbuttoned a little to accommodate the heat. The scarf can serve as both an accessory to keep you warm, or a blanket to sit on in the grass when watching the sky explode

• Styling with a little grace: This look can easily be reversed if you don’t have white jeans or a blue/chambray shirt. Just throw on a white tee and jeans (I know you have that!) and this flag scarf will tie it all together and take the look from blasé to beautiful.

With a little grace,

                Kelsey

Happy Fourth of July! Please share comments below! I am happy to provide more outfit details or recommendations on where to buy, if desired. A huge thank you to Ashley Bernet for beautifully photographing all four outfits! (All photos courtesy of Ashley Bernet)

"Be the Best Version of Yourself"

“You realize how selfish you’ve been your whole life once someone else needs you in order to survive,” I heard this the other day, and I am sure it rings true to every parent. Given my significant age gap with Grace, I often feel that I get a glimpse of what it’s like to be a parent. She’s my own flesh and blood, I want to protect her, guide her, and I love her no matter what. But I’ve never had to provide for her in the way parents do. While she looks up to me, she doesn’t rely on me the way she relies on my parents. That quote reminds me of my dad, who has continued to sacrifice and work tirelessly for his children. He is constantly thinking of how he can better his children's lives, and provide for them. 

My dad is a pretty magnificent man. He’s accomplished everything that most people set out to do in all aspects of life. His life is defined by relentless hard work and humility, and the success that he has earned because of that. To say the least, our stellar dad set the bar pretty high for my six siblings and me. Dad certainly expected a lot out of us growing up—in school, on the field, at home, but most importantly, in our character. Dad always encouraged us, “Be the best version of yourself.” Be the best student, athlete, friend, daughter, sister, and person you can possibly be, he seemed to say. Dad didn’t demand perfection, but his constant encouragement to be our best selves (peppered by telling us how proud he was of us) motivated us to be whatever "best" looked like for each of us. When I wasn’t giving my all on the field, when I found myself putting forth a half-hearted effort in class, when I failed to stay true to the morals and values my parents had instilled in me, I could hear his voice, prompting me, be the best version of yourself.

For my wedding, I gifted my parents with three plaques made of Michigan wood, the third reading, "Be the Best Version of Yourself."

More than any role in sports or school, Dad was most intent that we be the best versions of ourselves when it came to our character. Comportment was king; personal leadership, integrity, and morality were of utmost importance to Dad. More than any academic or athletic accolades, Dad was most proud of his kids for honors that reflected good character.

In my first year of marriage, however, I realized that concern for how I carry myself in public—at work, in the grocery store, on the train, even with friends—is not sufficient. Indeed, character is who you are when no one else is watching, as my dad's beloved John Wooden proclaimed. But if I could expand Coach Wooden's saying just a little, I would say character is also who you are when your spouse is looking. It's easier to put our best face forward to the world, but it can be most difficult to give our best selves to those that deserve it the most—our loved ones. Yet our siblings, parents, and spouses are often the ones that see our ugly side, the part of us not presented on our highlight reels of social media. They are the recipients of our anger, our frustration, our less-than-best selves. Taking their love and forgiveness for granted, we come home so exhausted, stressed, and busy that often our family becomes our landing pad for those emotions.

In the book The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love, married couple DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good continually stress that your spouse should help make you the “best version of yourself.” I knew I was in for a good read because I could hear my dad saying that well known mantra every time I read it. While my husband has vowed to love me in bad times and in my shameful moments, it does not mean I shouldn't attempt to be the best version of myself for him. Inevitably, there will be bad days that lead to bitterness or bickering. Certainly, being my best self does not mean being disingenuous or covering up painful emotions. Attempting to control anger or annoyances does not mean compromising honesty, vulnerability, or open communication. The ability to be vulnerable is vital to the survival of a marriage or any healthy relationship, be it friend, spouse, or family. My husband and I have a marriage founded on emotional vulnerability and transparency; we have been brutally honest about ourselves, each other, and our relationship since we were first dating. The ability to be authentic and vulnerable in a relationship allows us to let ourselves be loved, even our imperfect parts, imitating God's perfect love for us. But if there is anyone who deserves my best self, it's the one who loves me when I'm not. 

As The Wait chronicles, choosing the right spouse means choosing someone who will bring out the best in you, who will help you become—and who will make you want to be—the best version of yourself. I’ve realized that by carefully, thoughtfully, and prayerfully discerning and selecting my husband as my spouse, I ended up following my dad’s adage in the most important way possible. While my dad is certainly proud of my accomplishments in field hockey and school, I know nothing makes him beam more than knowing I will continue to become the best version of myself through the vocation of marriage.

With a little grace,

                   Kelsey

Happy Father's Day to my magnificent dad, and all dads! As always, I would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions via email or comment.

Blackberry Bumble Bars

As I sit here and smell the warm, summery scent of blackberry pie fill our cozy apartment, I'm reminded of one of my fondest college memories. My six college roommates and I had our favorite professor, Professor Wright, over for dinner. Professor Wright's class was, fittingly, a small writing seminar. She was an eccentric yet elegant woman, who looked something like Lady Gaga and Donatella Versace to me. She had been highly recommended by an older teammate, and I refused to take this writing seminar until I had her as my professor. Unlike many professors who seemed to enjoy teaching us one thing and testing us on another, Professor Wright's class was hard, but fair. She taught us grammar and writing in such a way that it should be compulsory for all students to take her class. I still have the note she attached to my final paper, encouraging me to keep writing. My husband hung it in our bathroom beside the mirror as daily encouragement to start this blog!

If I could give Grace one piece of advice when she heads off to college one day, it would be to host her favorite professor for dinner with some of her best friends. (Okay, that might not be my one piece of advice, but it definitely makes the top five.) It was the spring of our senior year, and thanks to the persistence of my roommates, I emailed Professor Wright about coming to our off-campus house for a homemade dinner. One of my roommates, Fallon, a fellow baker (who originally introduced me to the creator of this recipe, Joy the Baker), was on dessert duty. A warm, June evening, we decided on salad, chicken piccata, homemade white wine sangria, and these blackberry pie bars. The aroma, the company, the conversation—these were all details of that night that I hope will never fade. After an evening of laughter, soulful conversation, and life advice from Professor Wright, we shamelessly licked the pan clean of Fallon's delectable desserts. 

Since then, friends, co-workers, and neighbors have awarded these treats the titles: “blackberry butter bumble” or “BBB” for short, "blackberry bumble bars," “blackberry butter crack,” and my favorite, “crackberry bars.” Although I’m not sure what “bumble” actually is, it seems to describe these bars well. What makes these bars so good? I’m convinced it’s the lemon sugar you use to make the dough. You pour the sugar and lemon zest together on a hard surface, and use the back of a spoon to rub the zest into the sugar. What once were two separate ingredients become one, pale yellow, crystalized yet fluffy version of sugar that makes for the most irresistible crust and pie topping. 

The blackberries and hint of lemon are perfect for this season of farmer’s markets, barbecues, and summer soirées. You can try substituting blueberries, raspberries, or maybe even mulberries (just for you, Uncle Jacob) for the blackberries depending on preference. Much easier and foolproof than a pie, you can serve these bars chilled, or warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream—have your pick. However you serve them, these bars are sure to stir memorable conversation with any crowd. 

Blackberry Pie Bars with Lemon Sugar
adapted from Joy the Baker

Crust and Topping
3 cups all-purpose flour
1-1/2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 cups (3 sticks) chilled unsalted butter, cut into cubes
zest of two lemons

Blackberry Filling
4 large eggs
2 cups sugar
1 cup real Greek yogurt (or sour cream)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt
6 cups of fresh blackberries (or 2 x 16-ounce packages frozen blackberries, defrosted and drained*)
*If using frozen berries, be sure to defrost and drain the excess liquid. Place the frozen berries on a plate in the refrigerator overnight.

To make the crust and topping:

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.

2. Grease a 9 x 13-inch baking pan with butter or cooking spray and set aside.

3. Zest two lemons. Measure out the sugar for the crust and topping (1-1/2 cups) onto a clean work surface. Rub the lemon zest into the sugar with a bench scraper or the back of a spoon. Rubbing the zest into the sugar will release oils from the zest and create a lemon scented sugar.

4. Combine lemon sugar, flour, salt and butter in an electric mixer fit with a paddle attachment. (If you don’t have an electric mixer, an electric hand mixer will work.) Beat the ingredients on medium speed until the mixture combines and appears crumbly.

5. Reserve 1-1/2 cups of the crust mixture to use as the topping. (I reserve a little more than this because inevitably I eat the dough while the crust bakes.) Press the remaining mixture into the bottom of the pan.

6. Bake the crust for 12-15 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes while you make the filling.

To make the filling:

1. Whisk the eggs in a large bowl.

2. Stir in the sugar (2 cups), Greek yogurt (or sour cream), flour, and salt.

3. Gently fold in the blackberries.

4. Spoon the mixture evenly over the crust. You may have to distribute the blackberries evenly around. Sprinkle the reserved crust mixture evenly over the filling.

5. Bake for 45-55 minutes until the top is lightly browned. Cool for 1 hour before slicing.

With a little grace,

                 Kelsey

I would love to hear from you! Please comment below with feedback or ideas, share the posts you like, or email me with suggestions!

"Just a Little Lipstick…”

Growing up, I remember gold and silver tubes of lipstick stashed in the kitchen junk drawer amid pens, pencils, and rubber bands; in the glove compartment of the Toyota Previa mini-van, hidden between dollar bills, ketchup packets, and loose change; and in the pockets of Mom’s purses under stranded gum wrappers and spare tissues. Melted and messy, lipstick never appealed to me (other than to play dress up, of course). Mom, on the other hand, seemed to think of it as magic in a tube. Scrounging in the kitchen drawers and filing through her Mary Poppins purse, my mom would whisper to herself, “I just need a little lipstick…” before running out the door with a tube of it in hand.

As I entered high school and began to wear makeup, I never was interested in lipstick. As I matured and entered college though, lipstick suddenly became my makeup of choice. I felt that lipstick gave me the polished or glam look that I wanted to achieve as a twenty-year-old. I discovered that the bold shades of red I now love to wear (to my husband’s dismay) give off an air of confidence. Finally, the mystery that was my mom’s love for lipstick was solved: the color on my lips, whether subtle or strong, brightened my face, made my eyes pop, and drew attention to my smile. What was not to love?

As this is the last in my series of posts inspired by my mom in honor of Mother’s Day and her birthday, I would be remiss not to discuss her signature characteristic—her smile. Whether Mom recognized her megawatt smile as her best physical feature or not, she always taught us the importance of smiling. When you walk into a room and you feel nervous, uncomfortable, or everyone is looking at you, smile, she would tell us. Smiling makes you seem more relaxed, confident, and approachable. When you are unsure of what to say or find yourself in an awkward situation, smile, she advised. Smiling makes you more friendly, kind, and beautiful to others and to yourself, as I learned from watching my mother over the years. While my siblings and I may have teased Mom for her seeming need for lipstick, she knew what she was doing (as always). My mom is truly the most naturally beautiful and effortlessly elegant woman I have ever known. She has sparkling blue eyes, high cheekbones, and a big, stunning smile. She does not need an ounce of makeup. While I don’t think any woman needs makeup (as I learned from 40 days without it!), I finally realized why my mom had lipstick in nearly every nook and cranny. A small swipe of lipstick has the power to magnify the confidence and warmth brought out by the simple, beautiful act of smiling.

When I picture my mom, I view her with that open-mouth smile and her head cocked back slightly, laughing. And so, I think this is why I came to love lipstick, because I associate it with my mom’s famous, genuine smile. I see how it brings out her best feature and enhances her smiling nature, and I hope lipstick has this same effect on me. If she doesn’t have time to put on anything else, she almost always swipes on "just a little lipstick," and now, I see why. 

How to apply

1. As any beauty guru knows, the first step to a perfect pout is to exfoliate your lips. Using a damp washcloth or towel, rub bare lips vigorously to rid them of any dry skin.

2. For a neutral base, dab a little foundation or concealer on your lips. (Some prefer to use a neutral lip liner and completely fill in the lips here instead.)

3. Carefully swipe on your lipstick of choice.

4. Press your lips together with a tissue between them ("smacking" your lips together but separated by a tissue). This removes excess color.

5. Put on a second coat of lipstick.

6. Using your finger, dab a little bit of loose translucent powder (I use bareMinerals Mineral Veil) to make the lipstick last longer. This step is key for setting the lipstick, ensuring it will stay on despite sipping, eating, or talking.

7. Smile!

When to wear each color

• A bright pink fuchsia, like my Clinique Long Last Matte Lipstick in Matte Magenta, is great for a hot summer day, paired with pastels, twirly sundresses, and sun-streaked hair. It's flirty and fun, so this color can be worn casually during the day or to jazz up your look for date night.

• Classic red is just that—classic and timeless! Celebs and stars like Audrey Hepburn to T-Swift have been wearing this color for decades. It works equally well for the 4th of July as it does for Christmas! If you don't think you can pull off red lipstick, then you just have not found the right shade. The blue, orange, pink, and brown undertones of red lipsticks prove there really is a red for every skin tone. This Bite Beauty Cashmere Lip Cream in Rioja was the first bold lipstick I donned, and I've been using it ever since! The cream-to-matte formula allows for easy application, is extremely long-lasting, but doesn't feel dry! It was the first formula of its kind, and now almost all makeup brands have followed suit. (The Sephora brand copy-cat of this formula is about half the price and comes in several shades! I have the Sephora Collection Luster Matte Long-Wear Lip Color in Deep Plum and love it.)

• Purple shades are all the rage right now. I don't feel quite bold enough to wear a true purple lipstick (despite the fact that I bleed purple—go 'cats!), so I started with a pinky-purple, like this Bite Beauty Matte Creme Lip Crayon in Aubergine - Eggplant. A couple extra swipes will lend more to its purple nature, but just one or two brings out a more subtle pink, like I did in this post. Wear this shade for a night out, or a fancy event to up your wow-factor.

• A neutral palette provides the pop my mom was looking for in all those drawers, without drawing too much attention. I used to think that neutral lipstick was the same as wearing nothing on your lips, but I've learned I was very wrong. A neutral lipstick, such as Nars Lipstick in Catfight is perfect for work, situations in which you want to maintain your professionalism, or when wearing heavier eye makeup. (Mom always taught me to emphasize lips OR eyes—not both!) Most of my mom's lipsticks were neutral hues, similar to her natural lip color, but they added a punch to any ensemble by instantly brightening her face and smile.

Whatever shade of lipstick you choose, remember to smile! Before you know it, you might be digging through every pocket and drawer looking for that magic little tube, too.

With a little grace,

               Kelsey

Mama T's Famous Pumpkin Bread

Pumpkin bread was the first recipe I distinctly remember watching my mom make. I watched in awe as she combined the ingredients from memory, for Mom made this treat so often she did not need the recipe. Pumpkin bread was the first baked good I learned to make, glued to Mom's hip, standing on a chair to reach the counter top. It was pumpkin bread that first inspired my love of my mother's shared love of baking, and eventually, the joy of sharing that with others.

As her young children, my siblings and I were dismayed when Mom gave away pumpkin bread, as she often did. (Okay, fine, we still feel this way unless we are the recipients of such bread.) But as I grew older, we learned not only her baking tips but also the joy of sharing her talents. Mom always gave away pumpkin bread as a small token of love or expression of concern. To our community, the pumpkin bread was a Christmas present dropped at every neighbor's door step, part of a homemade gourmet dinner because her friend's parent had passed away, random teacher appreciation gifts, or served at every rosary group get-together.  Mom always seemed to have a hidden stash of pumpkin bread wrapped up and tied with a bow in the freezer, ready to give to any guest that might walk through the door at a moment's notice. She would wrap up mini loaves, label them with each child's name, and put them in the fridge, to our surprise, and we knew we had lunch and breakfast for the day. To say my mom was famous for not only her generosity and hospitality, but for this recipe, would be an understatement—and disservice to my childhood. But the best part about my mom and her recipe was that she was never afraid to give it away. Despite her seven children feeling quite possessive of it (and maintaining that she still makes it best of anyone), my mom has freely handed out her not-so-secret recipe to the masses that inevitably inquire. 

When I was in high school, a peer of mine worked at Zingerman's Bakehouse. One day when I was raving about my mom's pumpkin bread (What? I never do that about my mom's concoctions...) he laughed and told me that Zingerman's pumpkin muffins were better. "Is that a challenge?" I asked. "Sure," he smirked, "you bring in your mom's pumpkin bread and I'll bring in a loaf from work, and we'll trade and see whose is better." Being the competitor that I am, and knowing my mom's bread would win, I couldn't resist the challenge. However, I paused, knowing that I was getting the shorter end of the stick. Now all those local to Ann Arbor—and probably many who aren't—will understand the weight that comes with anything attached to the Zingerman's name. I won't say the Zingerman's pumpkin bread was bad—in fact, it was great. But it did not compare in the least to my mom's pumpkin bread. When the day came for our trade, the boy immediately admitted defeat. So, naturally, I asked for the rest of the loaf back, jealous that he was eating my mom's pumpkin bread. Looking back I should have called this a trick rather than a challenge, as my friend refused to return it, and continued eating the whole mini loaf himself.

Now, many think that pumpkin is only a fall flavor. But anyone familiar with our family knows this to be false—and praises God that my mom's delectable dessert is not limited to such a short season. I was just home in April for a wedding, and what was sitting on the kitchen counter when I got home? A ready-made loaf of pumpkin bread. (I was the first to see it, thank goodness, because public pumpkin bread loaves only last but a few minutes in our house!) Until becoming acquainted with Starbucks' pumpkin spice lattes (#PSL) that are exclusively available in the fall, I was blissfully unaware that pumpkin was limited to the fall season. And so, I have gladly reverted to my prior ignorance, and am perfectly content in doing so.

However, I do know some folks who have not grown up around the Thompson household, and are confused by the idea of making pumpkin bread in June (cue eye roll). I would like to say it is for their sake that I adapted my mother's pumpkin bread recipe into banana bread. To be completely honest, what really drove me to adapt my mom's recipe was the budget of a college kid who loved to bake (bananas are cheaper than canned pumpkin puree), and some old bananas lying around the field hockey house during preseason. After trying multiple banana bread recipes, I was disappointed by the dryness and lack of flavor that accompanied such recipes claiming to be the "best banana bread ever" (Pinterest fail). I figured there had to be a way to re-create the moistness of my mom's pumpkin bread in banana bread. After studying the recipe, I decided to substitute the pumpkin puree for a few ripe, mashed bananas and give it a whirl. I can't remember if it was by accident or inspired by nostalgia that I left in the spices—cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg—which contribute to pumpkin bread's telltale flavor. Regardless, the magic that came out of the oven was reminiscent enough of childhood for me, yet still satisfied my teammates' summer tastebuds. It was my mom's pumpkin bread, in so-called "appropriate" seasonal form. Add chocolate chips, swirls of nutella—whatever you like—but do not take out the spices.

So without further ado, my mom's pumpkin bread recipe, adapted for banana bread:

Mama T's Famous Pumpkin (or banana) Bread

Dry Ingredients:
1-2/3 cup flour
1-1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
1tsp each: nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon

Wet Ingredients:
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup orange juice
1-1/4 cup (1 can) canned pumpkin puree OR 3-4 medium ripe bananas*
2 eggs

*Ripe bananas should have at least some brown spots on them and smell sweet. They should be fairly mushy when peeled.

Directions

1. Whisk dry ingredients in a small bowl.
2. Whisk wet ingredients together vigorously in a large separate bowl.
3. Gently fold in dry ingredients and stir only until blended. My mom cautions: Do NOT over-mix or the bread will be tough and full of holes!
4. Pour into lightly greased mini loaf pans (Mom uses four of them). If adding chocolate chips, mix them into the batter-filled pans now.
5. Sprinkle sugar in each loaf pan, atop the batter (key step! this gives the bread the sugary, crispy top that we kids fought over).
6. Bake in preheated 350° oven for 30 minutes.
7. Check center for “bounce back” prior to removing from oven. This means when you gently tap the center of the bread, your finger shouldn't sink into the bread, but the bread should ever-so-slightly spring back up.
8. Enjoy!

(Recently, I decided to cut 1/4 cup of sugar from my mom's original pumpkin bread recipe for the banana bread, simply because ripened bananas already have so much natural sugar, much more than unsweetened pumpkin puree. However, I don't think it is too sweet if you keep the extra 1/4 cup sugar.)

Happy birthday to my beautiful mother, Mama T! The world is a better place with you and your sweet treats in it. I love you! 

With a little grace,

               Kelsey

Like Mother, Like Daughter? I Can Only Hope

In honor of Mother's Day this weekend, and with my own mother's birthday just a few days later, I have decided to do a series of posts inspired by my mom. I've only recently figured out what I want to do in life, but I've always wanted to be my mom when I grow up. She's smart, hilarious, dancing in the kitchen, kicking butt and taking names at workouts (and life), hard-working, incredibly generous, selfless, devoted to Christ, and an amazing wife and mother—all while looking 20 years younger than she is! I attribute so many desirable qualities to my mother. Being the mother to seven children—and the "perfect mom” to them—it's truly incredible that she looks as good and young as she does. The number one question I hear people ask my mom when they find out, yes, she is the mother of both the eight-year-old and the 26-year-old is, "What do you do to look so good?!” Friends and peers often ask me regarding my mother, "How does she look like one of your sisters rather than your mother?" Well, I certainly pray to God that a large part of it is genetics! I hope to look as good as my mom does at her age. But for what hope and genetics can't do, I defer to the pro herself.

First of all, let it be heard that my mother works out like a dog—nay, like a militant. Attending workout classes at our gym with her, I was teased and badgered because my mom was kicking my "yass" (as she would say) even as a then-Division I athlete. Well, to my defense, she was "kicking yass" of everyone in the room, and that was no secret. She takes care of her body through strength, conditioning, and nutrition.

But more pertinently, my mother is a huge advocate of skin care and anti-aging regimens, specifically sun protection. Below are the top skin care secrets, including habits and products, that my age-defying mother swears by.

Sunblock + Sun Protection

I know, this is the one no one wants to hear. But this is the big not-so-secret, and why anti-aging is so relevant to young women, even more than women worried about wrinkles. My mother started wearing sunblock at the age of 21, and has worn it everyday since then—yes, even throughout all the Midwestern winters she's endured. She always applies—and reapplies the sunblock two to three times per day—to her face, ears, neck, décolletage, and the backs of her hands (the areas where she says a woman shows her age). If she will be exposing other areas of the skin (such as when going to the beach), she applies sunblock to those areas as well. She recommends at least an SPF of 30, but you better believe we grew up wearing SPF 75+ (three cheers for Irish skin!). Importantly, she adds that it must be broad spectrum sunblock, or state on the bottle that it blocks both UVA and UVB rays. Otherwise, it might only protect against UVB rays, which are the UV rays that cause a sunburn, but not the UVA rays, which cause signs of aging such as spots and wrinkles. (Think UVA for Aging and UVB for Burns.) This is why it is not always enough to have a makeup or moisturizer that includes SPF, unless it states that the SPF is broad spectrum. However, below I have included sunblock, tinted moisturizers, BB cream, and makeup foundation which all boast broad spectrum protection—and most of which I have used at one point or another! (If you shy away from sunblock use because of acne or oily skin, I recommend the Clear Face sunblock by Neutrogena, as it will not clog pores.)

Which one is the mama?

Fake Tanners (but not fake baking!)

If you know my mom, you're probably thinking right about now, But wait, Mama T always has that sun-kissed glow...? Well, you're right. First of all, unlike most of her Irish, porcelain-skinned children, my mom was blessed with skin that has a yellow-undertone (we get the Irish from our dad). But the winter blues get the best of even the most golden-skinned goddesses. So, my mother always supplements her natural glow with tanning lotions and potions. Now, everyone has heard the fake-tanning horror stories of orange-tinged skin and terrible tan lines. But we ladies in the Thompson household have been testing tanners for years now, and we can recommend many that will help you avoid the tell-tale signs of fake tanning. 

Clarins Radiance-Plus Golden Glow Booster

This stuff is the bomb-dot-com. Just add 1-3 drops of this serum to your daily moisturizer and you will have a radiant, sun-kissed glow, as the name suggests. I bought my first supply over a year ago and still have over half the bottle left. Easy to apply, effective, natural, and long-lasting? Count me in! I was put on to this glow-in-a-bottle by none other than—you guessed it—the mother.

Jergens Natural Glow

To build a subtle yet noticeable glow for the whole body, I stick to Jergens Natural Glow. This lotion builds a real-looking tan as it moisturizes, and it is fairly fool-proof for avoiding tell-tale streaking. Just be sure to exfoliate well before applying, and go light on elbows, knees, and ankles.

Kate Somerville Tanning Towelettes

These single-use towelettes help you achieve a healthy, natural-looking tan in just 3-4 hours. Apply in a circular motion to avoid streaks, and have someone help get hard to reach places like your back. Bonus: they are easy and convenient for traveling.

 

Like I said, joyful and dancing in the kitchen!

Skin Routine Extras

At bed-time, my mom recommends exfoliating with a scrub or electronic facial brush, such as Clarisonic’s Mia brush This cleans the face and opens the pores for the products about to be applied. A moisturizer is vital to the hydration and fullness of skin. Even over-the-counter moisturizers can be fantastic, such as Olay’s Regenerist Face Cream (another mom recommendation). Taking the routine a step further, my mom would recommend a Retin-A or Retinoic Acid cream, which helps prevent both acne and aging, but you do need a prescription for it. Most dermatologists are happy to give you one if you just ask.

In the mornings, Mama T recommends a Vitamin C and antioxidant complex, as these nutrients help block the free radicals (random, harmful rays in the air) that also contribute to aging. Personally, my mom loves Ole Henriksen Truth Serum Vitamin C Collagen Booster, and she's now hooked my sisters and me on it as well. Like her, we find it is worth the extra bucks, as it adds to the skin's suppleness and boosts collagen. (Final bonus: it smells delicious!)

If there is one beauty "secret" I hope my littlest sister, Grace, learns from our mom, it is to protect her skin—not for the sake of vanity, but for the sake of her health. I'm the first to say that I hope to to avoid wrinkles and maintain a youthful glow over the years, like my mom. However, my mom's emphasis has always been on the health benefits of sun protection, preventing skin cancers and diseases, with an added bonus of reduced wrinkles. While I strive to imitate my mother in appearance, I further strive to emulate her healthy habits and her infectious inner beauty. My mom's true glow is not from her skin, but from the beauty which radiates from within. I would love to look like my mom as I grow older, but what I really hope to possess are her kindness, love, and unrelenting faith: "Beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).

With a little grace, 

            Kelsey

Shopping for Classic Style

"This one is really young and fun, and perfect for spring... but I could see myself wearing this one so much as I get older," I debated, staring at two identically-priced dresses. Just a few days before the "black-tie optional" wedding I recently attended, I still had not decided on what I would wear. It was 9:00pm and the store was closing, so I had to make a decision. One dress, a silky black and floral cocktail dress with a cut-out back and higher hemline, was a high-end designer label on "super sale" (as my mom would say), making it hard to pass up. The other dress, a classic and more conservative navy blue sheath with a hemline below the knee and an illusion neckline, was pulling at my rational side. Although I felt the first dress would be flirty, fun, and perfect for the formal spring wedding, I couldn't see myself wearing it on many other occasions, and certainly not past my twenties. The cashier, patiently awaiting my decision, chuckled to herself as I processed this all externally. 

It may have seemed silly to the salesperson that I—a young twenty-something—was basing a purchase on whether I could wear the dress into the next decade. However, long-term re-wearability and "cost per wear" are always serious factors in my shopping decisions. If a dress is perfect for one big occasion, but I never wear it again, it has poor cost per wear. Rather, if I purchase a dress  like this Illusion Dress from Maggy London and wear it many times over the course of years (or decades), it has great cost per wear.

But how do you know if you will wear it for years, even decades, you ask? Well, personally I look at what my style icon—my mom—sticks to. When I asked her what she shops for, she replied just as I suspected she would, "Clean lines and neutral colors will never go out of style. I usually shy away from bold patterns because they often date the clothing." Her advice played out in my dress debacle: clean, simple silhouette in one neutral color, or a trendy shape with a floral pattern? The "clean lines" and "neutral color" of this navy dress proved to be an elegant combination that will pass the test of time better than my other option. 

We had to do a style shoot together since we were matching in classic navy dresses!

While I have Mama T to gather inspiration from, others may be left wondering to whom they should look for style inspiration. "Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O (Kennedy) had style that carried through the ages," my mother suggests. If you look up images of what they wore back in the 1920's and 1950's, chances are they still look good today. Similarly, if you think of yourself wearing the item of clothing 10 years from now, would it look foolish or fashionable? 

Timeless, classic (and classy) styles usually are modest in nature; anything too revealing is usually too avant grade to stay stylish through the ages (though there is a time and place for that!). However, classic clothing by no means needs to look "drab" or frumpy. Classic style can be just as sassy, sultry, or even "minxy," as my best pal and classic-style aficionado, Erin, likes to say. Erin expounds, "I love to show a little ankle and a little collarbone," which has the same effect as the illusion neckline of my dress. In fact, classic style is all about being subtly minxy and confident, without overexposing oneself. This navy dress portrays that combination well; its hemline falls below the knee and has a high neckline, yet there is nothing boring or unflattering about it. The winning combination of conservative yet alluring is the epitome of classic styles: something flattering and well-fitted, yet modest and moderate. While there is no flashy or loud print, the color and fabric are crisp, rather than boring. 

Looks like Grace doesn't need my "classic style" tips... she's already got it down! 

My husband hops in the photo shoot for a James Bond moment!

style tip:

Keep classics looking modern and updated with accessories, "Throw on a jean jacket, some lipstick, and a fun necklace or scarf to add a little flare," Erin suggests. My mom often layers multiple necklaces atop a sweater and a button-down. Here, I opted for glitzy, glamorous heels, statement earrings, and a bold lip color, such as this potent purplish-pink.

 

With a little grace,

          Kelsey

No Room for 'Fat Talk' in a One-Piece

Lately I’ve been loving the one-piece swimsuit trend that is coming back in style. Although one-pieces never really go out of style, in years past it has been harder to find a cute yet conservative swimsuit. Considering last year’s “bare it all” trend, I am happy to see young women donning fashionable one-pieces. When I posed the idea to do a style post featuring my favorite one-pieces for spring and summer, my husband asked if I would be modeling one. “Ha! no,” I immediately replied. While my muscular thighs may have been a good look in the 1950s, they are not exactly the “hot dog legs” we see on runways, in magazines, and on TV nowadays. My husband, reading my thoughts and aware of my Lenten promise, gave me a knowing look. 

This year for Lent, I gave up negative body talk (and attempted to give up negative body thoughts). In general, I mostly refrain from contributing to public body self-disparagement, also known as “fat talk,” and I eat and exercise without the intention of achieving some elusive body type. Yet the physical insecurities I have struggled with throughout my life inevitably creep back. While I usually feel confident in my athletic build—despite stretch marks and cellulite—I did not realize the pervasive nature of self-critcal body talk or thoughts until I tried to get rid of them completely during Lent. On far too many occasions, I have come home from my workout class on Tuesday feeling strong and secure, only to be complaining about the way my legs look on Wednesday.

Knowing my vulnerabilities and this Lenten promise, my husband urged me to pose for this post precisely for the reason I did not want to—because I do not look like a typical model (or even a typical “fashion blogger” for that matter). While I am posting these photos with a lump in my throat, I know my husband is right. I want my sister Grace—and all girls—to see body types other than the stick-thin look that the media deems as the only worthy body type. I want Grace to see what women look like without Photoshop; women who are still healthy and fit, yet whose appearance may not fit into the mold of a “perfect body.” 

By giving up body shaming, I not only helped change my psyche, but my silence (or explicit positivity) detracted from the fat talk of women around me. “When women refer to themselves as fat, other women around them are more likely to chime in with their own self-deprecation,” a recent Verily article cites. Think of the Mean Girls scene, “My pores are huge, my nail beds suck….” Lindsay Lohan’s character, new to the American culture, quickly picks up on the need for self-deprecation in order to fit in: “I have bad breath in the morning?” While this scene pokes fun at our cultural truism, it points out girls’ and women’s inherent need to contribute to negative body talk.

So why are women of all ages and body types so programmed to contribute to fat talk? Women not only feel like they have to say something negative, but it almost feels taboo to acknowledge positive qualities about oneself. Mean Girls again hits on this fact when queen bee Regina George says to Lindsay Lohan, “So you agree, you think you’re really pretty,” after Lohan’s character simply says “Thank you” to being called pretty. I’m all for humility, but this is decidedly different. Part of our problem may be that as females we do not know how to receive compliments, especially regarding our physical qualities. We often feel the need to brush off compliments and offer self-hate instead, opening the conversation to fat talk.

Another study found that women who engage in fat talk have higher levels of body dissatisfaction, shame, and eating-disorder behavior. Fat talk is not inspiring women to be healthy, but rather doing the opposite. Our culture complains—and rightfully so—about the media’s obsession with Photoshopped and unrealistic women, but women of all ages and body types casually engage in fat talk. We might not be able to change what we see in the media, but do we even realize the power of what is coming out of our own mouths? Imagine what your home, school, workplace, or team would like if fat talk stopped altogether. We do have the power to remain silent; better still, we have the power to say good, honest words to ourselves and others about our bodies.

To help steer our youngest sister, Grace, away from fat talk, my 19- and 20-year-old sisters and I have attempted to ban words like “fat” and “skinny” from our vernacular. We emphasize adjectives such as “fit” or “healthy” rather than glorify thin sizes or lament bigger builds. While we may not be able to control what Grace is exposed to in the media, we can control how we talk about ourselves and each other. One woman’s self-critique can spark an avalanche of self-disparagement, but another woman’s choice to love herself—despite her imperfections—can inspire a radiance of self-worth unbound by body image.

one-piece style tips

Part of loving your body is knowing how to dress it! Check out my one-piece favorites (all under $100) for your body type:

• Fuller Stomach: A one piece with ruching across the middle helps disguise the tummy. 

• Small Chest: A ruffle or contrasting fabric across the chest "confuses the eye," as my mom would say, and helps your chest appear more proportional.

• Fuller Bottom Half: Try a one piece with a fun pattern that keeps the eye drawn upward.

• Fuller Bust: A halter neckline helps balance the bust with the rest of the body, or try a suit like that supports without sacrificing style

With a little grace,

                    Kelsey

No-Bake Nanaimo Bars

My husband and I had two major hurtles to overcome before we were married:

First, he preferred at least one percent milk, while I was raised on skim alone. 

Second, whenever he was offered sweets, he did not feel the need to eat one—or five—of them, like I did. What?

The first problem Anthony solved when he texted me one day, “I found a solution to all our marriage problems!” Confused, I inquired what he meant. “If I add a little cream to skim milk, it tastes like one percent! We will never argue about which kind of milk to buy!” I laughed and shook my head, both disgusted and impressed at his "compromise." (We now both drink skim milk, by the way.)

Having a major sweet tooth, though, I thought the latter problem seemed the real disconnect. Sweets were my love language, meaning I enjoy both giving and receiving sweet treats. I often surprised my field hockey teammates with cookies after practice, made my roommates banana bread, and these days I lug cakes via public transportation for my co-workers’ birthdays. I even managed to bring a triple layer cheesecake through airport security for Anthony’s birthday one year. Gifting my sweet concoctions has long been my way of celebrating and showing others I care. 

So, when I first made Anthony something sweet and he did not dig into it right away, I was obviously offended. Did I do something wrong? Do you not like my gift? It required a lot of explaining that no, Kelsey, not everyone wants to double fist cookies and brownies at the same time, before I learned not to take Anthony’s seemingly abnormal behavior personally. 

However, learning of my then-boyfriend’s apathy toward sweets did not stop me. I was determined to make this Italian stallion an offer he could not refuse. My field hockey coach from Canada had recently brought our team these lightly-coconut, chocolate, creamy dream bars, named for the three layer rock they resemble in Nanaimo, Canada. Considering Anthony’s love for coconut and chocolate I knew I had found a winner. Being in a long distance relationship ("LDR") at the time, I appeared on Anthony’s college campus for the first time with these bad boys in hand. Let’s just say, we were finally speaking the same love language.

No-Bake Nanaimo Bars Recipe

Adapted from my college teammate’s fabulous food blog, The Bite Sized Baker

As someone who is not the biggest fan of coconut, I still devour these bars! The coconut flavor is subtle; obvious enough for coconut lovers like my husband, but not overwhelming for those apathetic about coconut like me. When I served these for dessert recently, my friend raved about them and asked for the recipe. Without further ado, here you are, Kit! 

Bottom Layer

1/2 cup butter, room temperature

1/4 cup white sugar

5 Tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

1 egg, beaten

1 3/4 cup graham cracker crumbs

1 cup coconut flakes

Middle Layer

1/2 cup butter, room temperature

3 Tablespoons milk*

*The recipe calls for heavy cream, but me being me, I only had skim milk, and that works just fine.

2 Tablespoons instant vanilla pudding powder

2 Cups confectioner’s (powdered) sugar

Top Layer

4 ounces semi-sweet chocolate

2 Teaspoons butter

Directions

1. On top of a double boiler (I just use a glass bowl sitting on a pot filled with boiling water), combine 1/2 cup butter, white sugar, and cocoa powder. Stir occasionally until melted and smooth. Beat in the egg, stirring until thick, about two to three minutes. Remove from heat and mix in the graham cracker crumbs and coconut .
2. Line an 8x8 pan with parchment paper (enough to overlap on all four sides). Press the batter down in the pan to form the first layer.
3. For the middle layer, cream together 1/2 cup butter, milk (or heavy cream) and the vanilla pudding powder until light and fluffy (this may take a while). Mix in the confectioners’ sugar until smooth. Spread over the bottom layer in the pan. Chill to set.
4. While the second layer is chilling, melt the semi-sweet chocolate and two teaspoons butter together over low heat, or for short bursts in the microwave. (If using the microwave, I recommend melting the chocolate and butter separately.)
5. Spread the third layer (chocolate-butter mixture) over the chilled bars. Let the bars set (and the chocolate cool completely) before cutting. When the chocolate has cooled and hardened, lift the whole thing out of the pan by lifting with the parchment paper. Cut, serve, and enjoy! 

Baker's Tip: Add food coloring to the creamy middle layer to make these bars appropriate for any holiday or celebration - green for St. Patrick's Day, pink for Valentine's Day, red for Christmas, yellow for Easter!

With a little grace,

                   Kelsey

Wedding Wednesday: Bridal Shower

Following suit with the "Wedding Wednesday" theme, today kicks off a series of wedding-related posts that will be featured occasionally on (you guessed it!) Wednesdays. After going to a lovely bridal shower this weekend of a longtime family friend, I was inspired to finally share my bridal shower pictures—only 10 months later!

The shower this weekend, filled with most of the same smiles as my own, reminded me of the gift that these family friends are to me. As the bride-to-be summed up so beautifully this weekend, "One of the best gifts my parents have given me is the gift of their friends, whose children have become my best friends." Not only have their children become my best friends and confidants, but my parents’ friends themselves have been a gift as role models, mentors, and now friends to me. My sweet shower was hosted by three of my mom's closest friends of nearly twenty years, and one of their daughters, who happens to be one of my nearest and dearest friends (and the genius behind Anchor Events & Design). Considering their part in helping to care for me as a child, exemplifying strong Catholic marriages, and showing me how to do the often thankless and unglamorous job of being a mother with such love and grace, it was only fitting that the shower was hosted and attended by many of these women and their daughters.  

The three hostesses of my beautiful bridal shower!

Some daughters of the "Church Ladies" AKA "Church Daughters"

My mom and her friends have taught me how to gracefully be a mother, wife, working woman, volunteer, and Catholic. While many of them are “homemakers” or “stay at home moms,” these spectacular women are nothing close to “real housewives.” As mothers whose children attended the same Catholic grade school (St. Franny!), who founded a bi-weekly rosary group that has included women in the area and prayed for their intentions for 10-plus years, who dedicate a work week’s time to countless Catholic charities and pro-life organizations, and who do their best to raise their children with strong Catholic values and faith, we prefer to refer to these holy women as the “Church Ladies.”  While they seem to “do it all” they also do not perpetuate the ever-elusive idea of “having it all” that we women tend to chase in circles. They are strong, confident, smart women who are humbly yet unapologetically proud mothers and wives (many of which have had successful careers). In a world in which women may feel that they are not enough if they are not working outside the home—not contributing financially, not being the “independent woman” that often we are encouraged to be—they are each the true definition of a “girl boss.” These wonderful women see the joy and importance of raising their children and realize the core that the family unit is to society. In a world in which the family seems ever more undervalued, these women help maintain Pope John Paul II’s belief that “as the family goes, so goes the nation and the whole world in which we live.” As I pursue graduate study with hope of someday being a marriage and family therapist, I also realize the power of being a wife, mother, and woman of faith, thanks to the Church Ladies. Their daughters are now young women with their own businesses, pursuing graduate degrees in medicine and health care, working in finance, banking, and digital marketing, successful college and high school students, and fellow kick-butt collegiate athletes. It is clear that the Church Ladies, through their example of hard work and faith, have encouraged their daughters to achieve just as much as men do, yet we, as their daughters, also know we can be proud wives and mothers, like our own moms.

The four Thompson sisters, Grace, Molly, Tess, & Kelsey, from left to right.

More of the exemplary "Church Ladies"

My mother and now "mother-in-love" - both beautiful ladies!

My bridal shower was a ray of sunshine and happiness on a day otherwise fittingly filled with May showers. The gracious hosts blew away any expectations I had for the event, which was done up to the nines. Guests were introduced to the theme when they received their invitations, square cards from Minted with a delicate orange tree atop a pastel background. The envelopes were addressed beautifully above shades of orange hand-painted by one of the hostesses, Erin Brede of AED.

At the shower, guests were greeted by a delicious display of soufflés, fruit, salads, mini desserts, and personalized sugar cookies by none other than Ann Arbor’s Emily Pierce. The orange patterned tablecloths made for a perfect background.

All the furniture had been moved out of the living and dining room (what an effort!) and was replaced by round tables, sporting mason jars filled with bright napkins and silverware at each place setting. For the centerpiece, they had spray-painted mason jars orange and filled them with yellow and orange tulips. 

My favorite detail, however, were the “place cards,” a clementine with the guest’s name held in place at the top by a green push pin — so clever and cute!

To my delight, the hostesses had printed and framed several pictures of my then-fiancé, Anthony, and me and placed them around the house as decor. (We now have these frames hanging in our bedroom!) Knowing that bikes were a part of our wedding theme, they also hung paper bike streamers from Paper Source on the fireplace.

At the front of the room, next to the chair where I later opened gifts, was a fake orange tree that one of the hostesses had apparently hauled up from a HomeGoods in Ohio—what dedication! 

If that all wasn’t enough of a labor of love already, the hostesses divided and conquered, each making a dozen or so loaves of my mom’s famous pumpkin bread! They wrapped each so beautifully in cellophane, tied with an orange polka-dot ribbon, and hand-stamped an orange tandem bike to each label. (I later incorporated this bike stamp into our wedding reception decor. More on that later.) 

The decor wasn’t the last of the details and dramatic flare. In the living room I found our own personal pianist (who just so happen’s to be Grace’s teenage piano teacher) all dressed up and playing live music. Just as we sat down for brunch, one of the Church Ladies, “Lady Di,”  appeared in a robe with curlers in her hair, as the pianist changed his tune to match hers, right on cue. Leave it to Lady Di to be the entertainment for the day, she performed a full song and dance (who knew she had such pipes?), complete with props, putting on makeup, and finally landing a big smooch on a fake Anthony. 

Getting a hoot out of Lady Di's performance!

The final surprises of the day certainly proved to save the best for last. As I finished opening gifts, everything became quiet, and suddenly, my handsome, smiling groom walked around the corner with a blue tandem bike, sporting a basket chock-full of picnic-in-the-park goodies! Anthony lived in Chicago, whereas the shower was in our shared home town of Ann Arbor, MI, and I had no idea he had sneakily driven into town the night before. It was such a sweet and thoughtful surprise, organized and executed by the lovely hostesses.

With Anthony and me both there, my sisters—my maids of honor—announced there was one last gift. They had us close our eyes, while they carried in the gift. We opened our eyes to find a two by three foot banner with letters and pictures hand-cut out of fabric and sewn onto the cloth. It read, “Just get me to the church on time…” with a groom running toward a little white church—identical to the church we were to be married in.

My parents had a very similar banner hanging from my grandparents’ house on the day of their wedding, and I had been determined to find it and re-use it. Despite combing through the attic at Christmas and asking my aunts and uncles about it, it was nowhere to be found. Knowing this dilemma, sisters arranged to have one of my best friends since grade school (another Church Lady’s daughter), who also happens to be an extremely talented and multifaceted graduate of University of Michigan’s Art School, craft a replica of the original banner. All they had to show her was a small picture of the banner from my parents' wedding album, yet the two banners could not have been more similar (aside from the respective churches). I was thrilled to use the meaningful banner not only at my wedding, but someday at all my siblings’ weddings. Maybe, just maybe, we will even keep track of it so our own children can use it someday… 

Erin Brede, one of the hosts, a dear friend, and the mastermind behind Anchor Event & Design (with her brand new babe!)

Caili, of Dilly Dalian, who made the banner!

Two dear high school friends from Ann Arbor

Thank you to all the lovely women who contributed to the joy that was my bridal shower! As you can see, I loved every aspect of it, and so appreciate all of your efforts.

With a little grace,

                           Kelsey

oscar style

Despite all the hype surrounding the Academy Awards, I am always most excited for the fashion. In fact, yesterday Anthony and I were driving back to Chicago from Kansas City (an eight hour drive!) and I made sure we left in time to be home for, not only the Oscars, but the red carpet premiere. I love tuning in an hour and a half ahead of the actual broadcast so I can see the enviable gowns celebrities flaunt on the red carpet. But I have to confess, I was quite underwhelmed by most of last night's fashion considering this is "Hollywood's biggest night." Despite some fashion faux pas and lackluster gowns, here are the stars who still wowed + the tips you can learn from them.

Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad

Hollywood Life

Maybe because I’m a recent bride (and not-so-secretly still wish I were in search of a wedding dress), but I adored Chopra's bridal-esque, embellished, lace, white and ivory gown. Her ensemble highlights what I think all bride’s should strive for—to flatter their best features. Chopra didn’t let a gorgeous gown take away from her even more stunning natural features: she used a belt to accentuate the waist of her hourglass figure and elongate her legs, and she pulled her hair back and opted for simple makeup so as not to distract from her beautiful face #thatsmilethough

• stylist tip: When wearing statement earrings, like Chopra’s, forgo a necklace (even with a strapless gown like hers!) to let the earrings speak for themselves. Add statement rings like this actress's to add another element of glam without making your jewelry compete.

Chrissy Teigen in Marchesa

Todd Williamson/Getty Images

The bump? The back? The braid? Where do I start? Her fuss-free hair, open back, fabulous train, and adorable belly were but a handful of the factors that added to the jaw-dropping effect that was Chrissy Teigen. As you may remember from my last style post, I have a thing for red dresses, so I especially loved seeing the glowing mama-to-be don the cranberry red floral gown that complemented her olive complexion so well. 

• stylist tip: Like Teigen, balance V-necks and keyhole backs with long, elegant sleeves to show just the right amount of skin.

 

Olivia Munn in Stella McCartney

Getty Images

Some of my favorite red carpet gowns throughout the years are those with simple, clean lines (à la Emma Stone in Calvin Klein). Even in unexpected orange, no one can go wrong with a classic silhouette like Munn’s Stella McCartney stunner. For such a bold dress, Olivia wisely didn’t mess with statement jewelry, but stuck to simple stud earrings. I love how the swooping one shoulder almost looks like a shawl. While most celebs seem to be in an arms race for who can show the most skin, I highly appreciate a classy and classic (yet updated) look.

• stylist tip: When trying a daring color, keep the silhouette simple and avoid distracting prints, like Munn. Choose makeup to complement the bold color, as Munn bares lipstick and cheek stain with orange undertones to complement her dress.

Mindy Kaling in Elizabeth Kennedy

oscar.go.com

A classic LBD with an updated royal blue cape—what’s not to love?! I love how the edges of the cape created a contrasting off-the-shoulder look—one of my all-time favorite styles that oozes old-time elegance. The jewel-tone cape completed the regal look. Again, a sleek, pulled-back ‘do was definitely the cherry on top.

• stylist tip: Kaling mixes a closet staple (a simple black dress) with a fashion risk (a colorful cape) for a winning combination. Keep this duo (simple + risky) in mind when adding in fashion elements that are outside of your comfort zone.

Daisy Ridley in Chanel

Steve Granitz/WireImage

Ridley continues a trend among my faves—a sleek, pulled back hair style, natural makeup, and understated jewelry to let her dress dazzle! I loved this simple silhouette with the added peplum flare. She maintains Old Hollywood glamour but gives it a fresh, modern twist with an ankle-grazing hemline and sheer peplum frill. 

• stylist tip: Even when an event has an accepted style, don’t be afraid to go against the grain, like Ridley did at the Oscars. When everyone else wore the classic floor length gowns, she dared to stand out with a shorter hemline, and the payoff was huge! Ridley kept the formality of the dress with an all-over metallic color and embellishment.

Tracey Edmonds in Lorena Sarbu

E! Online

As a lover of all things timeless, including pearls and cap sleeves, I had to include Edmonds on this list. Yet again, bridal elegance radiated from this sparkling ivory stunner and Edmonds’ polished waves. From her nail polish to her understated jewelry, Edmonds lets her natural beauty and the shimmering, form-flattering dress do all the talking, which said “Oscar favorite for years to come.”

• stylist tip: Cap sleeves—an element that I added to my wedding dress—add class, coverage, and support to a strapless dress’s sweetheart neckline. Edmond’s cap sleeves add Old Hollywood elegance to her form-fitting gown, making it equal parts sweet and sassy.

With a little grace,

                           Kelsey

the devil is talking

“What the bleepity bleep are you doing you ugly bleepity bleep bleeper?! You are bleepity bleepin’ UGLY!”

A few weeks ago, as I was getting off the bus on my commute home, a man randomly yelled words I would not want Grace to hear and called me names a woman should never be called. He also called me ugly, multiple times, while shouting and staring me down. The experience was absolutely rattling. It came on suddenly and without being provoked, and, of course, no one should be treated that way in the first place. While it was certainly hurtful and scary (I started crying as I walked away), I paid little heed to his insults of being called ugly. If he had told me I didn’t have a thigh gap or that he could see the blackheads on my nose, maybe I would have felt truly insulted, and gone home to obsess over those “imperfections,” because those comments are true. However, I do not believe that I am ugly, so those words of his did not affect me. 

On the other hand, as I was thinking about publishing this journal, there were many moments I felt scared, inadequate, and timid. A voice stirred in me, threatening, people won’t like your writing, or this journal won’t resonate with people. On many occasions, I doubted the vision I had for this journal, thus coming to the momentary conclusion that I should not go through with it. This was not a scary man yelling in my face; this was a voice in my own head. Yet, this voice frightened me one hundred fold more than my encounter with that unkind stranger. This was the devil talking.

My spiritual director, Fr. John Kartje, once told me that the devil does not bother attacking us at our strengths, but rather he attacks our weak points. The devil tempts us where he knows he has a chance to win; he does not want to waste his energy. The devil is a cocktail to an alcoholic, it’s just one drink, you’ll be fine, no one will know, it whispers. He speaks through our vices, our weaknesses. Personally, I tend to get overly concerned about validation from others (maybe because I am a words of affirmation person) rather than being secure in my value as a child of God. The devil knows that, and uses that fact to his advantage. Recall the words that the voice in my head—the devil—used to tempt me: people will not like my writing, it will not resonate with people. He speaks precisely to our weaknesses. Similarly, when I get overly concerned with my body image, the voice in my head is not questioning whether I am healthy (I know I am!), but rather my appearance and body type—something inherently related to the validation of others. Conversely, the devil does not bother tempting me where I am confident and strong. The devil does not tell me that I cannot persevere or work hard enough for a task, for in that I am confident. Likewise, he does not tempt me with lies or provoke anxiety about my marriage, for he knows in that I am secure—strong and protected, like a fortress.

While the devil produces anxiety, Jesus instills peace. Shortly before releasing this journal, I went to Eucharistic adoration with the fears and doubts the devil had instilled in me regarding its release to the public. I came to Jesus, in His presence, bearing these insecurities and temptations. I left with a sense of peace and confidence, and soon stumbled upon this quote from Pope John Paul II, “It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be grounded down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.” This perfectly described my motivation behind With A Little Grace and this, as JPII says, was all ignited by Jesus! Jesus inspired the vision and mission of this journal. So, it makes sense that the devil would vehemently try to oppose my mission. But I could not let the devil win this battle; I published With A Little Grace the next day! 

In the places where the devil stirs up doubts, in the wounds where he whispers lies, in our weaknesses where he tempts us, Jesus encourages us. It is precisely in those dark places where Jesus wants to bring His light. Jesus eagerly awaits for us to come to Him in our weakness, with our open wounds, and to ask for His strength and healing there: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in your weakness” (Corinthians 12:9). Reflect on where the devil is talking in your life. We all have weaknesses, doubts, and vulnerabilities where the devil festers. While it is easier to keep our wounds hidden, Jesus longs for us to reveal them to Him, so he can heal with his saving grace.

With a little grace,

                      Kelsey

Love + Red Dresses

As my last two posts have been a bit heavier, I thought it was time for something a little more fun and light-hearted. In honor of St. Valentine's Day tomorrow, what better excuse to share our professional engagement photos—wearing a classic red dress nonetheless?! Our photo shoot took place in my beloved Harbor Springs, MI (where we were married in July) and we were photographed by the incomparable Cory Weber (the man behind the lens for many of the stunning professional photos on this site). I could not think of a better occasion or outfit to showcase another major aspect of this journal—classic, graceful style.

the red dress: I decided to wear a classic red dress for the occasion, not because it was near Valentine's Day or Christmas (though those are both perfect for donning the festive color), but because I believe in a red dress's potency and power. Red is a color many women feel uncomfortable wearing because it attracts attention or they feel the color doesn't flatter them. However, I believe red is a striking color that oozes confidence because it stands out against the blues, blacks, and neutrals in the room or in the landscape. I also firmly maintain that red does look good on everyone—it just depends on the shade! Think you could never wear a cherry red like my dress? Try a burgundy or marsala color that is more neutral, or a more tomato red (orange undertones).

stylist tips!

• unsure which shade of red looks best? Pick a color similar to your favorite shade of red lipstick. If it looks good on your skin as lipstick, the color is bound to flatter you as a dress
• uneasy about wearing such a striking color from head to toe? Start with pops of red in your accessories such as shoes, handbags, jewelry, or a belt (like mine, which I added to the ensemble), or of course red lipstick!
• Red is an attention-grabbing color, something to keep in mind when selecting the style of the dress. I chose a dress with more coverage (higher neckline, cap sleeves) and looser fitting (A-line so it didn't hug my curves) to compensate for the color's strong qualities. I do love its V-back though—it shows just the perfect amount of skin!
• Red is a good base color for neutral accessories: black or nude pumps, a blingy or pearl necklace, and gold or silver jewelry. I also love to wear this red dress with a leopard belt (instead of a matching red one) for a more fun + edgy look.

While my dress and coat are both vintage Banana Republic, check out similar styles currently being sold (or available for rent)! I added various shades for various skin tones + preferences.

With a little grace,

                        Kelsey

40 Days Without Makeup: How I Discovered the Best Foundation

In case it snuck up on you like it snuck up on me—Lent starts tomorrow (what?!). Especially in the years in which the Lenten season comes early, it can be tempting to choose something familiar to give up in the mad rush before Ash Wednesday. If you, like me, are still unsure what to commit to this year, I encourage you to spend time in prayer about this decision (even if it means starting a few days late). While participating in Lent is a feat in itself, I found that what we commit to can have a lasting impact. Two years ago, as a senior in college, I wrote the following Lenten reflection for my cousins’ blog, Princess Prayer, now Castle. Although reading this piece may be the second time around for some of you, I hope my insight serves as solidarity and inspiration for the question we ponder this time of year,“What should I give up for Lent?” As we pray over our Lenten commitments, may we recognize where we most need God’s grace in our lives and be willing to receive it there.

. . . 

One of the unfortunate aspects of going to a school on the quarter system is having an extra set of finals, as we have three terms per year, rather than two. Finals in college mean several things: late nights, coffee, anxiety, stress…and for me, a glowing breakout of blemishes and pimples. Thank you, stress! While a little acne is certainly nothing new to me, my winter finals—and the inevitable breakout they caused—last month posed a new challenge: no foundation or concealer to cover them up! I had given up makeup for Lent. 

I had acquired the perfect regimen to conceal my usual blemishes (Make Up Forever concealer + a foundation brush, thank you very much!), and of course I loved to add eyeliner or mascara, and lipstick for special occasions (I am totally digging the red lip trend). You might even call me a “beauty junkie”—I love reading about the latest and greatest beauty products and collecting my slew of samples from Sephora. 

But why makeup? Wouldn’t giving up desserts or Facebook for Lent do the job? Well, certainly for me, going without sweets or social media would also require the sacrifice and discipline that Lent calls us to. But when I read about the idea to give up straightening or curling your hair, I knew exactly what God was calling me to sacrifice this Lent. Although I play collegiate field hockey, I also indulge my inner girly-girl: I love to dress up and get all glam. For this reason, I knew going 40 days without makeup would be the perfect Lenten challenge, but there was more. I wanted my Lenten sacrifice to be something that helped me grow in faith and virtue, not solely a sacrifice that strengthened my discipline. 

Especially as women, we expect so much of ourselves. We hold ourselves to a seemingly impossible standard of working out, acing our classes, landing the perfect job, baking a cake for our best friend, and a million other things, all while looking “flawless.” Yet one of the most dangerous things we can do to our spiritual lives is to look like we have it all together. We are human. We are broken. We are sinful. Every one of us. And covering up that frailty, that humanness, allows us to say to Jesus, “I’ve got it, I don’t need you.” Personally, the sins I struggle with most are “sins of the heart,” as my dear friend calls them. Independence from God, righteousness, judgement, jealousy, pride… The sins that we commit on the inside while looking like everything is perfect on the outside. It is easy to “put on a face” (figuratively and literally), and present myself to the world as if everything is okay. Regardless of the brokenness I’m feeling or the sins I’m committing, I can wipe on a smile and fool my friends, family, and certainly strangers. But Jesus is never fooled. Jesus sees right through our foundation and concealer, past our Crest-whitened smiles into the true, broken humans that we are. Yet under society’s pressure to hide our vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and sins, we continue to do so.

Father Manny Dorantes, a priest here at Northwestern, once said that pride—appearing and believing we have it all together—is one of the worst sins we can commit, “For when we are proud, we don’t feel that we need to be saved, and when we don’t need to be saved, we don’t need a savior, and when we don’t need a savior, we don’t need Jesus.” Although the world tells us to be strong, confident, and proud, all relationships require vulnerability in order to form a close connection. Even as little kids we understood this; we told our deepest secrets to only our best friend, “I still watch Barney…don’t tell!” As young adults we continue to do this, as our closest relationships are often those with whom we can share our personal and emotional vulnerabilities. In the same way, accepting Jesus into our lives requires vulnerability on our part. It requires us to look at ourselves and say, “Jesus, I am broken, sinful, and far from perfect.” Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not for the perfect image of ourselves we create. We are made perfect through Jesus’s death and resurrection, as we will commemorate on Good Friday. In order to enter into a relationship with Him, we must first recognize our need for His saving grace. We must feel the urgency of the word, “Hosanna,” which means “Savior, now.”   

For me, it is embarrassingly easy to let go of the urgency and meaning of Hosanna, despite the countless times I have sang it. I build myself up to believe that I don’t need a savior at all, or any help for that matter. Regardless of how I really feel, I like to look like I have it all together, to cover up my vulnerabilities, to dress the part, whatever the role. When I cover up these sins and weaknesses, I convince myself I can do it all on my own. I turn my back to Jesus, and say, “I’ve got this, I don’t need you.” Going au-naturel this Lenten season has been a daily reminder that I don’t have it all together. My “physical vulnerability,” if you will, has allowed me to devote less time to independence and pride, and rely on the fulfillment that Jesus’s healing brings. While makeup is certainly not bad, it is one of the many paths to creating the dangerous image that we have it all together. So, though my spring quarter finals may bring their usual breakout, the foundation I rely on to cover up my blemishes should not be found in a bottle. The foundation that has already covered all of our blemishes was found crucified on the cross.

. . . 

Check out more inspiration to have your #BestLentEver or check out what Pope Francis suggests you give up this year.

With a little grace, 

                       Kelsey